In my world though, I choose to use. If I choose to whack the warranty its mine to do so with. If I want to install some coolicious new ROM on it, I want the freedom to do it. Its a mutual use thing. I get value out of making it do something that google or HTC or Samsung did not give me. The company gets value because I paid top dollar for it. I made the use decision. How is this different than consuming? Simple and easy peasy. One is passive and one is active. One you just twiddle the knobs and dials and you may get something (except for flash on the iPad). The other you take an active role in the ownership. You make it do something else.

There is a dynamism in this type of use. We act and react with pleasure, challenge, use. We may drop the use as a new thing comes along or reflash it with some new and wondrous mod. Do the apple folks even get this type of use? I don’t really think so. I think they’re stuck in this wonderful Cupertino world-view where the device is given them, they consume it.

Android devices are meant to be used. iPhones are meant to be passively consumed.

What world do you want?

I’ve watched all this behavior and remember this story about this little bird that fell out of a nest that was covered by some sympathetic creature in a pile of cow shit. Other predators would never get through the excrement and so the bird grew bigger. I remember hearing the moral of this story about being shit on, etc. This, in turn, makes me wonder about work at its more transparent of levels. We all seem sentenced to live inside that excrement at various time. Sometimes the sun comes out and warms things up and it stinks. Other times, its really cold and you cannot really smell it. But the facts is the facts. You are still covered with shit.

Its my last day off from work. I don’t feel shit on. Perhaps though I am just cold…

As I’ve mentioned, I’m bummed, burned, and charred. I need time away from things. Its been a rough month at a few levels. If you expect email from me at any ole place, expect delays. The vacation responder is on and I don’t intend on answering.

I also am going to assess my place in the cosmic force the next 4 days. I don’t expect full enlightenment; but I do expect to clear out the bad feelings. If this does not happen, then I’ll have to take some other more permanent action. I cannot persist being this unhappy with work.

Wearin’ my high boots,
Got all my worldlies here in a sack
Looking for something,
Knowing that it ain’t here where I’m at
Ain’t looking back
I’m comin’,
Ride by thumbin’,
Get by bummin’
I’m on my way

I see those places when I sit here at home now. This place is where I am but its not where its at. It seems every other place I go has something to offer until I get home. Its not work, play, life, relationships. Its what’s left that I find. Simply not enough to keep me here. Sadness, joy, children. Perhaps at some point not enough. The road is the place that I find the most joy. Simply the traveling and not the arrival.

What is it about the physical act of the movement? Perhaps its the not being here or there that matters. The universe, cultures, lives, civilizations all spin. I spin in my orbit. Am I no less than the nebulae, the stars that shine when I fly under?

Its going to be time to hit that glory road again. I can feel it.

This trip seems like its lasted ages when it really has only been 2 weeks since I left. Weird. Tomorrow I fly about 15 hours give or take and then I get home. I’ll be sleeping most of the way because finally my body and mind know its okay to sleep. I also have my kindle and my archos 5 for movies, mp3′s, etc.

It will be good to get home although the home situation is not any different at all. I don’t really feel any desire to have it change any longer. I guess my accepting mode has kicked in at this point. Still and yet, to get home, unpack and be in my power zone for a few days will be nice. This trip kinda took it out of me at a few levels and I want to get back, let things go a bit, get back to walking every day for an hour.

See everyone on the flipside in about a day that I get to enjoy twice

1. I visited Chennai about every 4 months for 2 weeks to work with the Celestix India team on a variety of QA, development, research, and HR and business needs.
2. Last year I spent almost 6 months in Chennai. I enjoyed every minute of it and learned that Mylapore is a fantastic place to hunker down and live.
3. I came over this time to close the Celestix India office for Celestix Networks. All told, I terminated about 20 people. Of those 4 are moving to Singapore and 4 are staying in Chennai working as Celestix Singapore employees. The rest are gone or soon gone. There is no joy in my heart or soul for this work. I did what the company asked me to do. It was not one of those things where someone says, “good job, Mike. Thanks for going”.
4. I missed a trip I had planned to Boston and then back on the AMTRAK from Boston to Emeryville, CA. When faced with the alternative of someone else doing what needed to be done; there really was no choice. It had to be me.
5. I am not sure what I am going to do next. I have this feeling I need to start moving on. Perhaps I’ve done all I can do where I am at now. I’m just not so sure anymore what I deliver. I’m going to think about it on vacation.

A blog is a decent place to state some facts. I feel better now. Most of all, I want to say thanks to the team at Celestix Networks I manage. Engineering has the potential to be a great group but it needs something. Some added touch. It needs a rallying point that is not a founder, a entrepreneur, an exception. It needs to be healthy. Question is: Can I do that? Do I want to do that?

I think I do. But there will have to be changes made before I do. I won’t presume to announce those here. Its cathartic enough to just state these things on my territory. Thanks to everyone in India, the US, Singapore for always being there. I like the engineering group and its potential. We just need to get away from the exceptions that team around us and make us less.

I’ve enjoyed the opportunity to build things at Celestix Networks like the QA Engineering group. We’ve taken how we do quality engineering to new levels; but it requires some redoing as well. its too bad that one event can destroy a year of building and that I am the person that brought the event here.

Take care all. I won’t be writing here for awhile.

Its this crazy touch of person, stone, tools which results in this wondrous work. I always was amazed at the flintknapper, the focus to detail, the final result. Here’s a pictorial review of the worker at work. I could only make “footballs” and John Fagan would tell me “good work, Michael. Footballs are useful tools”. Then John would show me the craft. In his hands this piece of stone became a artwork; reduced into a thing of beauty and quite lethal.

Why am I saying all this though? What does all this archeological stuff have to do with information technology or the price of masala dosa’s in Chennai? Well, nothing really. But really everything is connected. The stone in the knapper’s hands, the work we do in project management, the changes we all feel are necessary when push comes to shove. Its flintknapping at the most basic of levels. We need to remove the chaff from the wheat, resharpen our tools, get back to something which matters. For Mr. Fagan, it was all these different stone types, tools, replicating what he saw on archeological sites. Replication is another key. Whether you do QA or archeological reconstruction, or anthropological research, you use replication. You need to find another thing which acts the same, can be tested, studied, redone.

I did this once with prehistoric hearths or cooking features. I wondered what made them grow larger over time. I thought it was some simplistic explanation. Maybe it was. But then I watched people gathering around a campfire. When more people are added, the space between each person was impacted. It dawned on me that perhaps we could use hearths as a possible interpretation for prehistoric cultural growth in the western Mojave Desert. In QA engineering, you also start with a known. You apply scientific rigor to locate “edge cases” which may cause an inflection in the pattern. These edge cases can be used to then locate issues. But its all about replication and interpretation. The QA engineer’s mind seems wound differently than ours. Just like the flintknapper’s may. They look at different patterns but its the same final result.

Life is like this too. We look for patterns but there are always inflections or subtle differences. I’m looking at the patterns and differences in my own life now. Which ones do I need. Which ones can I toss.

Now Kudos are fun to get but they are also fun to give. They are a mark, a moment, a reward. For many of the people I work with on a daily basis in Singapore and those that I will leave behind from Celestix India, here’s a kudo. I respect, admire, and am touched by you all. Thanks to you guys. I’ll miss you. Chennai has become a special place but more than that you are all special people. Kudos to you.

There is a group in other places which are not so deserving of Kudos. I’m pretty sure that all those same places, regardless of religious affiliation understand the concept of Hell. I won’t mention names because those that don’t get Kudos will get other rewards as you journey through the moments of your life. Just as I am sure of the Kudos I give I am sure also that you less rewarding types will get the rewards you so deserve. Its hot down there guys. Don’t be afraid though, you will have plenty of company. People that lie, cheat, mis-represent never get Kudos except from the Devil. And we know what those are like.
Ouch, Burned Fingers, Ouch.

We never know from whence Kudos will come next. The future is shrouded in mystery but I have parted the veils. I can see that things will change and evolve. Because nothing ever stays the same.

This weekend in Chennai other than moderate alcohol intake because it soothes the terrible feelings I have about what I’ve done here; I am going to reach back into myself. Find that more pure spot that we all have. Perhaps its sitting by the pool with my Kindle.

In technology as in life, there is a tomorrow. We just have to wait so long and when it gets here, its not tomorrow after all. Its still today with brand new rules.